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 SIR, Need your approval for my revised essay proposal.

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CELMON204



Posts : 29
Join date : 2012-09-10

PostSubject: SIR, Need your approval for my revised essay proposal.   Fri Oct 05, 2012 11:35 am

Celia Berezowski Pages: 1
For: Derek Brown Words: 246
October,5/2012

Chase
Celia’s Revised Essay Proposal



For my narrative Essay proposal my story will be written in the 3rd person perspective. The characters will include Kayla, Mike, Cop 1,Cop 2 and the friend Sam at the end. The beginning of the story will take place in Brampton at night with the characters Kayla and mike walking around car hopping. They are breaking into unlocked cars and stealing money, cigarettes etc. Mike ends up starting one of the cars so Kayla gets into the car. The middle is when Mike sees a police car and the police car flicks on his sirens to signal for Mike and Kayla to pull over. Mike has no intentions of going back to jail so he flees. The climax is when Mike and Kayla exit off the highway they see more cops parked outside a restaurant. While deciding which way they should go at the intersection Mike spotted spike strips laid out. Towards the end of the chase Mike quickly swerves to the left to avoid the strips but didn’t take the turn sharp enough and went over the island barrier and smashed into the family restaurant. A chase was presued. The ending results in Mike being arrested and Kayla surprisingly gets away and is shocked to find out the next day that the police had no idea she was even in the car, and that they believed she would have been dead is she had been in there.



My old proposal was not translating very interesting on paper and i bveleive this story will be.

thoughts? Can I come by your office when you are availiable?
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rebmon177



Posts : 28
Join date : 2012-09-10

PostSubject: Re: SIR, Need your approval for my revised essay proposal.   Tue Oct 09, 2012 5:07 pm

hey celia.
this sounds more fluid than your last one.
(i know, i know, peer comments are useless. but still i thought i'd tell you anyway).
goodluck bud!
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CELMON204



Posts : 29
Join date : 2012-09-10

PostSubject: Re: SIR, Need your approval for my revised essay proposal.   Tue Oct 09, 2012 6:42 pm

rebmon177 wrote:
hey celia.
this sounds more fluid than your last one.
(i know, i know, peer comments are useless. but still i thought i'd tell you anyway).
goodluck bud!

haha thanks buddy!!!!! I love peer comments! cheers
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Derek
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Join date : 2011-01-05

PostSubject: Re: SIR, Need your approval for my revised essay proposal.   Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:17 pm

rebmon177 wrote:
hey celia.
this sounds more fluid than your last one.
(i know, i know, peer comments are useless. but still i thought i'd tell you anyway).
goodluck bud!

I agree about the improvement. Not about the peer comments. Smile
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